Friday, 08 May 2015 09:15
Why is Kate Middleton and Prince William in such a "Juggers" not, after baby Charlotte?
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kate-pippaPrince William and Kate Middleton have drawn a line in the sand.

I mean, a line in Sandringham.


You remember the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge– named after a university neither ever attended (not that the entrance requirements wouldn’t have been bent for them0.

But now, they don’t need Cambridge except in their titles, because they no longer study! And they have never worked!

The British people call them “the Lazy Duo.”;

That’s when they’re not calling Prince William “Wimpo” and Kate Middleton “Wasty.” Just scroll down and read!

Does that sound like a nation in love with its princes and...uhm, whatever it is Kate is claiming to be these days?

Who’s even following them?

You’d think kazzillions of reporters and photogs were all about, all the time. But honestly, take a good look at the alleged “crowds” who were supposedly crowding the street outside St. Mary’s Paddington Hospital’s Lindo Wing. You’ll see the same ten people, day in, day out, and they appear to have no employments or pressing appointments, and they were happy to live in tents in the street, which takes a very special kind of urban personality.

Those ten rolling around on the sidewalk are Prince William and Kate’s “fan” base.

Given this, it was quite surprising when the Lazy Duo’s press secretary, Jason Knauf (whose followers online call him “Juggers”), started laying down the law about guaranteeing the Lazy Duo their “privacy” etcetera while they are ensconced in a house owned by Her Majesty the Queen, Anmer Hall.

Why the anti-fans call Knauf “Juggers” isn’t yet clear– is it a clipped, British way of saying “Jug Ears” fast?

Because Jason does have a pair. Of ears. Not the other kind of pair.

“We would reiterate the clear request for acts of harassment and breaches of privacy to cease,” Juggers intoned in his most recent directive to the press.

Say what?

Haven’t Wimpo and Wasty been lying so low that nobody knows where they are anyway?

Who even cares?

The only time the press get going is when Carole Middleton starts calling them up and leaking this and that! Is Pippa short of cash? Well, why not talk to a reporter as “a source close to the Royal Family?” I mean, in a household so haunted that there’s only an Italian nanny and the in-laws rattling around, filling up the dishwasher and doing the laundry and talking to themselves, who else would possibly know anything? Except maybe Juggers.

Juggers also complained about the use of “long distance lenses” to spy on Prince William and Kate:

“There have in the past been a number of intrusions into the privacy of the Royal Family, which in the main have been as a result of professional photographers using long distance lenses, not only to observe the Royal Family, but also to photograph them going about their activities on the Estate.”

What’s the reason for this?

Is Michael Middleton trying to keep his exclusive rights to make the big money from the “first” Wimpy and Wasty family photos?

Because that’s how he made the big bucks the last time.

Will he do it again?

The remaining Middleton children, Pippa and James, appear to be without jobs or direction, and so are always in need of money to fund their high-end lifestyles– trips abroad, designer clothes, and the like.

What is Juggers so worried about?

Those crazed Birth Truthers have a theory– that the surrogate mother may still be breast feeding wee Charlottte, and everyone’s afraid the two will be seen.

What everyone has seen, coming and going, in complete fair and public view, is the Queen herself driving in the Kensington Palace for a short visit, with Prince Charles. Both had somber facial expressions– not the kind of irrepressible happy faces filled with joy at a new birth. The Queen looked as though she was pondering a larger picture. Charles looked as though he had a lot on his mind. The Queen looked like she was attending the memorial service of a good, dear friend.

And the Middletons, driving in separately, seem to have lost their typical smirkiness. They did not look overflowing with joy at all. No smiles.

Did someone leave a copy of Pravda in their mailbox?

None of this has been missed by people watching.

And nobody had to break even one law to get the pictures of the Queen and Prince Charles in transit that were recently published. Their serious expressions spoke volumes about why Prince William and Kate Middleton have decided to hide away. Or were they ordered to hide away?

Queen Elizabeth spent just 30 minutes visiting the Lazy Duo and their new baby, “barely enough time to boil the kettle” for tea, as one British columnist observed. She spent much more time with her horses– whose pedigrees are completely clear.

What Juggers and his clients fail to realize is that nobody is fooled. Willy and Waity are going into seclusion, and with good reason. People are starting to question whether Prince William and Kate Middleton’s children can lawfully be in the line of succession. Meanwhile, Prince Harry will move forward with his engaging personality and warm good looks.

The handsome single prince is not paranoid about being photographed!

“Selfies are bad,” Harry told a crowd of admirers a while back. “Just take a normal photograph!”

That is good advice!

If the Cambridges so want to live a “normal” life, doesn’t that include the “normal photograph?”

Not if there’s too much to hide.

Sarah Whalen

sarahw2Sarah Whalen is a university journalism instructor, attorney and author.

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