Friday, 04 October 2019 04:44

Lindsey Graham will be Trump's Goldwater in Nixon-like reality shock

Written by
Rate this item
(0 votes)

nixon graham goldwater trump 2

It’ll be Lindsay Graham’s job to trek from the hill to the White House and tell Donald Trump that it’s time to pack up and go. To sweeten the pot, Graham will inform the president that the GSA has approved a Trump Presidential Library in the lobby of every building bearing the ex-president’s name.


In one of the most egregious breaches of military discipline ever, as Richard Nixon faced his political demise, General Alexander Haig, then Chief-of-Staff, told his commander, “Mr. President, the military is with you.” Nixon demurred and resigned. It was for the best, because he wasn’t very good at war, anyway. Neither is Trump, never having waged one of his own.

By the time Graham reaches Trump, no one else will be there. It’ll just be a sputtering older man, surrounded by his favorite things, a Time Magazine cover, a Variety front page touting his Apprentice ratings, photos of beauty queens, and a signed tribute from Vladimir Putin. Of all his top men, Rudy Giuliani will fare the best, living out his days with Ukrainian beauties in a dacha on the Black Sea, after a late-night flight out of D.C. on a charter with no filed flight plan.

Graham will notice, with a twinge of sadness, the stacks of signed pardons that remain unfiled because the staff fled in fear of the Boss’ famous temper, leaving no one to expedite them. Worst of all, the larder of Lay’s Potato Chips and Diet Cokes will have run out two days earlier, adding to the discomfort of America’s most colorful CEO.

Over at Justice, Bill Barr is bound to be preening in front of a mirror for the mug shot he’ll be obliged to take. Mike Pompeo, more practical, will be speed reading every document that passed through his hands on the job, so he’ll be able to write his book in the pen with more clarity than he exercised as Secretary of State. V.P. Mike Pence, perhaps the most sensible of the lot, will be at prayer.

There is, however, a way out for Trump. He can call Nancy Pelosi, and Mitch McConnell, and broker a deal in which he and Pence will resign, in consideration of no future prosecutions. The second part of the deal, which would make Nancy Pelosi, President Pelosi, entails her serving as a caretaker for the remainder of Trump’s first term, except for a program to be mutually agreed upon between the Democratic and Republican leadership.

In return for becoming America’s first woman president, Pelosi will be allowed to choose Alexandria Ocasio Cortez as her Veep, with the stipulation that neither she, nor Cortez, would run for any office for four years. Cortez has pledged to use the time getting rich on the lecture circuit, and raising money for her 2040 campaign for President. It’ll all work out just fine. You’ll see.  

Read 1764 times Last modified on Friday, 04 October 2019 15:40

Dead Pelican

Optimized-DeadPelican2 1 1