Sunday, 03 June 2012 12:35

Can NFL Neighborhood Nuisance Goodell Stop Pestering New Orleans Saints?

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goodellWill the Neighborhood Nuisance leave us alone?

That nutty neighbor from down the street came back again this week to spread more grief. You know the one. He walks his dog for however many blocks it takes, and then when he gets to your yard, the dog suddenly has the urge to squat and unload a six-pound load of whatever he's eaten the past week. I hadn't seen him since he borrowed my lawn mower and returned it with no gas, the self-propelled cable broken and the air filter missing. But none of that was as bad as the time he knocked on my door to inform me that he was in the critical stages of baking a six-layer chocolate cake but ran out of some key ingredients. He wanted to borrow six eggs, two cups of sugar, two cups of flour, several squares of sweet chocolate and a spoonful of vanilla extract.

And now you know exactly how I felt when I read yet another story in the past few days about our mutual neighborhood nuisance, this unceasing barrage of revelations that the Saints organization is going to hell and leading all of us with it. We have been beaten over the head unmercifully since Bountygate was revealed two months ago. Like the nutty neighborhood nuisance, the story returned every few days with more Pay-to-Maim allegations, evidence of an organizational cover-up, appearances before the Lord High Commissioner and the subsequent penalties.

A few weeks of silence gave us hope he had moved to Alaska, but then he returned with a damning audio tape of defensive coordinator Gregg Williams suggesting mayhem on the 49ers during last year's playoffs. But he wasn't finished. Some fool persuades ESPN that GM Mickey Loomis bugged the visiting coaches booth and presumably spent games listening to the foreign gibberish of enemy coaches instead of watching his own team's play on the field. That rumor, thankfully, died the quick death it deserved, but then the Nuisance came back with Jonathan Vilma's pious pronouncements of innocence, followed by the defensive strategy of a law suit against Commissioner Roger Goodell.

And this week he came back again, running down the street naked waving a ledger and shouting through a bullhorn. The ledger allegedly was used to keep track of weekly earnings for Saints players involved in the bounty program. The NFL supposedly has such a document, the existence of which was leaked by those clandestine troublemakers described as "sources with knowledge of the investigation." The bullhorn screamed news that the filmmaker who recorded Williams' threats during the playoffs is now accusing QB Drew Brees and former Saint Scott Fujita of persuading him to release the audio then leaving him hanging as the fall guy.
If all this were a movie, it would be titled Nightmare on Nuisance Street. For me, I've had enough. I am not yet at the point of sitting in my upstairs window with my autographed Leroy Jethro Gibbs sniper rifle, watching in fear for the Nuisance's next assault on my senses and tranquility. I just wish he would move to another block or town or country and start bedeviling others. Like fans of the Falcons or Bucs or somebody else. Just leave our neighborhood alone!

miller-book2Check out his new book "Where the Water Kept Rising," is now available in local bookstores and at hiswebsite:

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